Kill Tighty Whitey

Its summer and that means someone has to drive the old Chevy Cavalier with the broken AC.  And that lucky someone is me.  Yay!  It’s actually my husband’s car, but since intense heat happens to be sperm kryptonite he gets to spend the summer in my nice comfy Corolla.  Perhaps it’s fair considering the other more unpleasant changes he’s had to make – trading his briefs for boxers, giving up soda and processed foods, etc.  He definitely wants this baby as much as I do.

I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up because we don’t make a ton of money.  Then I remember that we are in a stable marriage of 7 years, in our thirties, employed, and have a (rented) roof over our heads.  That is more than a lot of kids have coming into the world.  I guess the difference is that many of those children are not planned.  It seems that if you are trying to have a baby you should be more financially comfortable.  But we are not getting any younger and I don’t have any get rich quick schemes up my sleeve.  The best we can do is gradually up the savings account and hopefully find a bigger place to live.  In short, we are going to do whatever it takes to make sure we can provide for this kid.  There's no going back.

Waiting to get pregnant is like being in limbo.  I find myself avoiding things that I want to get involved in because…what if I get pregnant?  Then when I get my period over and over I feel like I’m missing out on that stuff for no reason.  For example, I was thinking about taking courses to become a personal trainer, but obviously that would have to wait until after I had the baby. 

Honestly, I would love to be released from constantly thinking about it so it could just happen and we could be pleasantly surprised.  Like all those smug women who say:  “It happened when we stopped trying.”  But how does one “stop trying” exactly?  Last time I checked you have to have sex to get pregnant.